In the last edition, we kick-started this topic with the story of Destiny, a teenager, who was badly injured by his mother that poured hot water on him simply because he did not wake up to boil hot water for her.
This dovetailed into this week’ s boil, which is on the side effects of raising a child in a harsh manner.
No matter the reason behind a punitive method of correcting a child’s wrong, child psychologists are of the view that the end results are always negative, not only on the child involved but on the parents and family, even the society in general.
One of the psychologists, example is Mrs. Mobolable Babatunde, cited an example.
According to her: “So many parents believe that until they beat, starve and deny their children of some basic necessities in life, the children will not be disciplined and they would have failed as parents. Unfortunately, the harsher they get and the more rods they refuse to spare, the more kid-criminals we have in the society.
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“There is hardly a town or city in the country where there is not an alarming record of youths in cultism and other criminal acts. This is quite sad and parents being the first custodian of these children are implored to look inwards and re-evaluate their ways and methods of dealing with these children,” she said.
Below are some disadvantages of being harsh with kids.
Deprives kids of self-esteem
Whether we want to believe this or not, one major damage of harsh method of correcting or disciplining a child is that such a child loses his self-esteem. The child grows not to believe in himself; he does not see himself as having the ability to do anything right, which is a major damage to his personality. He sees himself as inferior to others and is afraid of sharing his opinion among others. He is easily gullible where decision making is concerned and lacks confidence in himself, which is bad for any growing child.
They become bullies
Punitive parenting is based on fear. It teaches kids to bully. Because the parent in charge carries out his rules authoritatively, he creates fear in children, as he shouts and enforces his orders down their throats.
And since kids learn from what they see and what you model, they cannot become a worse version of such parents. If they are made to do what you want out of fear, it becomes their way of life too. If you yell, they’ll yell at others. If you use force, they’ll use force, if you beat, they will beat. That is why parents should be conscious of their role-model status.
Have anger and depressive tendencies
That’s because authoritarian child raising method makes it clear to kids that part of them is not acceptable, and that parents aren’t there to help them learn to cope and manage those difficult feelings that drive them to act wrongly.
They’re often left lonely, trying to sort out for themselves how to overcome their “lesser” impulses. This kind of feeling often drives them into anger tantrums and feelings of rejection that can push them into depression.
Dodge responsibilities
Kids raised with strict disciplinary methods learn that power is always right. They learn to obey, but they don’t learn to think for themselves. Later in life, they won’t question authority when they should. They’re less likely to take responsibility for their actions and more willing to follow the peer group, or to dodge responsibility by saying that they were only trying to “follow orders.”
They are more rebellious.
Studies show that children raised with a strict parenting style tend to be angrier and more rebelliouss, as teenagers and young adults. This is why, looking back, you will recall that virtually all the adults today were raised with some degree of harshness, and everyone, one way or another, ends up with problems regulating ourselves.
Sometimes, this shows up as anger and resentfulness at any perceived limit or criticism, or by over-reacting when we think someone is trying to tell us what to do. Sometimes it shows up in rebellion against the limits we impose on ourselves or limits set at workplaces.
For instance, we may harshly starve ourselves of what we actually need just to prove a point or pass a message to someone over something we do not like. Rebellion simply comes to us. The same way with kids raised harshly. Without a second thought, they rebel, resist new rules, instructions as young adults because of the wrong feeling of harshness they grew up with.
To add to this, child psychologists believe that such children are prone to binging, which usually leads to overweight. If a new diet is introduced or a meal they do not like is cooked, they refuse to eat and resort to binging.
They grow into deceitful adults
Since kids raised strictly only “do right” when we’re there, they get into more trouble and lie at the slightest reason, making them become excellent liars.
Undermines the parent-child relationship.
Parents who relate punitively to their kids unknowingly cut off their natural empathy for their children, which makes the relationship less satisfying to both parent and child. Parenting also becomes much harder for these parents because their kids lose interest in pleasing them and become much more difficult to manage. In other words, strict parenting berths unhappy parents. And children who are parented strictly end up not loving, not close in relationship with their parents. The worst aftermath of this is that as they get older, they look for love in all the wrong places.
