Continued from last week
- Don’t rush through the kissing…sometimes
For women, kissing is huge. Sometimes, a woman would rather make out with you and experience the intimate closeness that comes with that than just having s*x. To paraphrase a scene out of the movie “Bull Durham” with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon: Women like long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that go on for three days.
So, whether your relationship is new or you are 20 years into it, make sure that you don’t forget how powerful a kiss can be.
If you and your woman feel like you’ve passed the “kissing days,” then I recommend loosening up with a few drinks on a Friday or Saturday night at home.
If you’ve been with each other a long time and no longer jump all over each other and make out, just have a shower and brush your teeth before getting into bed so you both feel fresh.
Then, when you do have s*x later than night, the alcohol will make you both loosen up and the fresh breath will make you feel more open to kissing and behaving as you did in the old days.
- Set the stage for sensuality…sometimes
Some women really like sensual mood lighting and romance.
However, from my experience, many modern women laugh when they see that you’ve set up mood lighting with candles, are burning some incense and playing some soft music in the background.
It just feels corny, staged and even a little out-dated to most women. However, if you remain confident, calm and in control and simply smile at her as you walk over and begin kissing her and rubbing her body, she will open herself up to the experience and really appreciate the effort you put in.
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The mood lighting, the massage oil, incense and music will help her relax and get into the mood for an orgasm. This is especially useful when having s*x with women who seem confident but are actually quite insecure. To set the stage for sensuality, you might have a steamy, candle-lit bubble bath together or soap each other up in the shower with a new soap that you both selected. Get some massage oil or lubricant and use it to play with each other’s genitals while kissing for a while before s*x.
Anything like that to add a bit more romance and sensuality to the experience. However, make sure you only do this sometimes, because it will get boring and lose its effect if you do it too much.
Modern TV culture and advertisements continually portray men as stupid, incompetent, clumsy, nervous, lacking confidence and having to continually try to impress the almighty woman.
A lot of modern men make the mistake of trying to get in a woman’s ‘good books’ by being really nice to hopefully then get some action in the bedroom. However, that type of weak, submissive male behaviour actually turns women off at a deep level.
- Turn her on with your behaviour
A woman’s physical appearance is what turns men on in an instant but women get turned on more from a man’s behaviour, actions and vibes. So, instead of worrying so much about how you look physically, you need to focus more on how you are making her feel. Does she feel protected around you or does she feel as though she needs to protect you from the world? Does she see you as a real man or as a wimp who she will put up with until she finds a better man?
- Experiment to find out which position makes her come
Due to the position of a woman’s clitoris, it’s extremely difficult for most women to achieve an orgasm from the standard missionary (man on top) position.
If you’re on top and pumping inside of her, try lightly stimulating her clitoris with a moistened finger at the same time (find out if she prefers to have you play with her clit directly, or from the outside of the hood of her clitoris. Some women are too sensitive down there and it hurts, while others love it) or get her to play with her clit while you focus on penetrating her with varying degrees of force.
One of the easiest ways to make a woman orgasm is to get her on top because it allows her to effortlessly stimulate her clitoris against your body and control the speed, penetration and length of the strokes to her satisfaction.
She on top is the easiest position for a woman to orgasm, but you need to work out the right rhythm and technique for each woman – not all women are the same. Some women prefer s*x lying side-by-side facing each other (push her head down sometimes to allow her to see you pumping her), doggy style or back to front.
Have fun experimenting and see what she responds to, but don’t change positions too often and too quickly. When you keep switching positions, she will often lose her heightened emotional state. Let her get caught up in the emotion and delve into the feelings, thoughts and sensations that will drive her to orgasm. Help her along by groaning (in a masculine way) with pleasure at times, breathing heavily and using your masculine facial expressions to show her how into it you are.
- Don’t make it your fault or her fault
Under any circumstances should you apologise about her being unable to reach an orgasm. Also, don’t make it out as though she has some sort of problem. Orgasms will become possible more often if you can just be easy-going about it and allow both of you to relax.
If you turn it into a huge problem, both of you will be so tense and thinking way too much during s*x that it will be difficult to enjoy it. Instead, have the sort of attitude that, “No, orgasm is no big deal. Maybe next time” and just be easy-going about it.
When she does orgasm, just smile and allow her to enjoy it without you interrupting with questions or comments. You can then ask her, “Nice baby?” or “How was that darling?” while smiling in a relaxed and sexual way.
It’s good to acknowledge her having the orgasm because you want her to know that you know. She’ll likely respond with, “Wow, that was good” or something along those lines.
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The more often she orgasms with you, the more she will be able to orgasm in future because simply by believing that she can orgasm dramatically improves her chances of achieving orgasm the next time. In time, she’ll get good at going to “that place” in her body and mind that delivers her to the point of orgasm.
- You need to know her pleasure zones
A woman has about 20 of these pleasure zones on her body and you need to know where they are and exactly how to touch and stimulate it to take her to pleasure heaven.
Oral and hand stimulation can often provide her with an even greater chance of success of reaching orgasm. Since the clit is the most sensitive spot on a woman’s body, it’s much better to go with a light touch that isn’t too prolonged and then go back to it sporadically.
When touching her clitoris, always, I repeat, always ensure that your finger is lubricated by her juices or your saliva. A dry finger on her clit hurts like hell and is a big turn off.
- Talk about what you’ve enjoyed so far
When you’re outside of the bedroom in a quiet, safe zone, tell her how much you enjoy when she does certain things to you. For example, you can say with a cheeky smile, “Babe…I really enjoy the way you suck it…you’re good at it. I’ve taught you well.” If you have a great relationship where both you and her are comfortable to be your true self around each other, she will laugh along with you and enjoy the moment. More importantly, she will feel more confident the next time she decides to give you oral s*x.
