Why there are more single mothers in the society -Onyebuchi Maduebo-Solomon

Onyebuchi Madiebo-Solomon is the founder of Ordinary Women Doing Extraordinary Things (OWDET). Her passion for the cause of women, over the years, has helped her to improve the lives of many through her not-for-profit establishment. In this interview with CHIBUZOR IHEGBORO, the Anambra-born lady bares her mind on issues affecting women.

Give us an insight about your background?

I am from Awka, Anambra State. I studied Law at the University of Lagos and International Business and Marketing at the American Intercontinental University in London. I am the CEO of B C Madiebo & Company Limited, an Insurance Brokerage firm, which I inherited from my father. 

I own an organisation called OWDET, Ordinary Women Doing Extraordinary Things. It is organisation that is dedicated to teaching women to live a life of purpose and one of the things that OWDET is focused on doing is building free maternity clinic in grassroots because Nigeria, next to India, has the highest mortality rate in the world. So, babies and mothers die for very simple reasons like malaria and bad water.

So, we are starting our first clinic, we have actually completed the drawing. We have our land, which was donated to us and we are going to start that building for the first free maternity clinic.

What actually inspired you to set this up?

It was the Holy spirit. He spoke to me. Initially, when the Holy spirit spoke about starting something, I started going to prison because I thought it was in line with the normal  prison ministry.

At a point, He said, ‘that is not what I called you to do. I need you to reach out to women because women do not understand that they have a purpose’.

So, I am not calling you to preach or be an evangelist, I am just calling you to pull women together and let them understand that each and every woman whether Christian, Muslim, white or black has a role, a gap to fill and they must rise up to this in their lifetime. You know, that was how  I started OWDET.

We meet four times a year and we talk about living a life of purpose. We have a book club where we try to encourage women to read as well. We read a book a month and talk about it just to encourage one another.

When you step out to somewhere, what type of women do you look out for?

Every woman. It doesn’t matter the colour, the state, the race – the way I picture it is like a huge mansion, like a family or parents who have children, a group of daughters, one of them is a senator, a hairdresser, a doctor, a teacher but there is one of them who plays truancy and doesn’t want to go to school.

She lives an awkward life. At the end of every three months, their father in his will said they must all come together at their home.

Definitely, whenever they meet, the sister that is a senator and one that refuses to go to school will still come in and be together and since they are sisters, they are not going to come in and call the senator sister “Your Highness” or “Your Excellency”. No! she’s still going to call her by her name because she’s her sister.

That’s exactly the way I look at it. I keep telling them, we don’t know who you are but the moment you walk into our door, we have become sisters.

Tell us about your growing up?

I think I was a little stubborn. I was the last of six children. I grew up as a single child because all my sisters and brothers were abroad and there’s a bit of age difference between us.

So, I was at home with my parents and I sort of got away with most things, but my mom was very very strict and all I remember is whatever she says don’t do is what I would do and I would just say to myself ‘Buchi, just do it cause she’s only going to beat you anyway.

So, I was always getting beaten for all these things I did. I think I am like my dad.

You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Has life been smooth since? Tell us the breaking point of your life..

I have always liked to go abroad on my own. When I was in London, I was fending for myself. Because I had left home for sometime, at a point, my mom and my dad said they wouldn’t give me any of their inheritance if I didn’t come back home  but you see, I sort of insisted on standing on my own and I was working on any job that came my way. I wasn’t discriminating or choosy. I was quite hard working.

There was a time, my friend and I started a car cleaning company. We didn’t have a car to carry our hoover, water and everything in the bag, but we dragged it. 

My dad is not the type that spoilt us at all. The only way to get money out of my dad was to tell him you wanted to buy a book.

Looking at Nigeria today, would you say we have achieved gender equality when it comes to Nigerian women?

I don’t think we are quite there yet because women are still discriminated against till date, especially in Nigeria. It is a case of what a man can do here, a woman can probably not.

My sister and I have been involved in construction of houses and a lot of people were like you two are women and you are building houses.

But, is there a big deal there? No, I keep saying, it is  something that a lot of women will not do because of this notion and societal belief. But women need to understand that they can do whatever it is they set their minds to do.

When I started building, I didn’t know anything about it, all I knew was that there was money in it.

So, my sister encouraged me because she  can paint this whole house on her own. She will buy paint and paint the inside and outside on her own. I guess that’s how we were raised and its working for us.

Most women do not know how powerful they are especially in Nigeria. They sit down waiting on men when they can actually get up and  do a lot of things.

I calculate a lot, if I do this and do this, I will just see millions like clock walk, you can make mistakes but be assured that you can do it.

Initially I couldn’t read the drawings, I would send them to my sister, she would read them and teach me and explain. By the time we were finished, I could tell you all about the work, where the reading is headed, the number of boards that the foundation should have, the concrete and so on.

I take delight in learning,  I learnt all of these. If I can learn it and I am not the most intelligent woman in the world,  then anybody else is capable.

What are some of the challenges women of this generation face?

Yes, the challenges Nigerian women face are quite huge. For instance, everybody wants to be somebody without having to do anything. An average woman, these days, wants to drive a Range rover.

You know the ladies I see these days want to own a Range rover; they want to go to Dubai, but they are not ready to work.

READ ALSO: http://WE HAVE MORE SECRETS ON OSINBAJO – Dr. Katch Onanuju, PDP stalwart

They want to live a life outside what they can afford. Then, people do different kinds of things I have seen people do for things they want and, I just think to myself, but how and why?

How do you go about grooming  young girls?

The first thing I would teach the person is to first identify what  they want to be – their choices, their role models, those people they admire.

I will then let them realise that they have the ability to be that person or that thing. Going by the way we were brought up, we have been tutored to know that it is not about education that you can achieve your set goals, meaning that  just because you have a Masters does not mean that you are better than the person who doesn’t. 

My mom used to say that you’re not better than the staff, who work for us, you are just privileged. As far as I am concerned, the maid is smarter than you but you are just privileged.

So, I always tell my staff and people that they need to decide what they want to be. I can’t decide for them and only they can do what it takes.

I can’t force them, I can only encourage them. Basically, the first step is to learn to believe and not look down on oneself. There is a book I read, ‘why not me’, people always look at themselves and say why am I poor?

My parents are suffering…. it is not enough to feel sorry about a situation; it is about taking steps to overcome it. Tell yourself a different story.

You are not the only one suffering, for all you care, you may not also be the only one in that situation. All you need to do is to believe in yourself and get on with it.

Would you say women have conquered the fear of getting into male-dominated jobs?

I personally believe that anything a man can do, women can do it better. That’s the way I see it. We have not overcome it but I think we are getting there.

Women are beginning to understand that there is really nothing they can’t do but I will say we are still far from scoring an equal number with men.

But I think women can do better in jobs and vocations that people feel is male dominated field.

Who’s an African woman to you?

The African woman is a strong woman, God-fearing; someone who prides herself and believes in herself. People look at pride, as a bad thing but you’ve to be proud of yourself in order for people to look at you and believe in you and respect you, We are the type that go through stuffs and still get up and keep going.

That’s why I say I am African because I believe each time I say it, it’s like saying I am strong.

How did you meet your husband?

I met my husband through a police officer that I met at a police station when I had a certain issue.

My maid stole some stuffs from me and I went there to report the incident. This female officer was the one who took over the case. She was married to his uncle and that was how we met. I met him through her.

Was it love at first sight?

No, it wasn’t. The affection grew over time. You know how  we always go about this marriage thing; we always have a picture of how we want it, we paint it like I want to marry a man who’s this, with a private jet, this tall, but when I met my husband,  I realised that all these things don’t matter.

Our love grew. He was very nice and kind and that attracted me to him so much.

What would you say about the issue of single mothers dominating everywhere  now and the upsurge of broken  marriages?

I think marriage is not a bad thing. I am a very troublesome person but my husband is the complete opposite of me, which I think is the reason we are getting on  well.  I am hot tempered and he’s not. 

Marriage is not easy; it’s like having a house full of siblings from different mothers, quarreling and then bringing a stranger to come and live with them.

READ ALSO: http://15-year-old rape victim delivers baby boy

Living with someone raised differently, born differently is definitely not going to be easy. But I think people need to learn to meet themselves halfway and marry the right person.

A lot of people just marry for the sake of marriage and they see things they cant live with and never minded until they get totally hooked.

I met some guy and I don’t like some things but because people say marry him, I go on to marry him. If later, things  change and it gets problematic, I shouldn’t blame anyone because it is my choice.

This is where the problem starts. My husband and I are just good for each other. Whenever I am boiling,  he calms me down.

There was another man I met with a temper just like mine and people say marry him, he has money, you can imagine what the story would have been by now.

What are the challenges facing your foundation?

So far,  I am funding everything we do. From my observation, I think in Nigeria, people find it difficult to give you something because they think you’re going to squander it, but obviously when they see you doing something meaningful, they get impressed.

When I started I didn’t even look for funds, when I had funds I put it in and it just continued like that until the last programme when we had people, indicating interest to donate.

These are people who have  come a couple of times and saw that I wasn’t asking for anything and then we got land given to us free.

I think until people see that you are ready to be committed with your own money, they won’t take you seriously, they won’t be convinced that you can spend their money wisely. Although we have people who want to donate, I am still funding the Foundation.

What about other challenges at work, such as leadership style and the belief of some that women are enemies of themselves?

This is what I say all the time. For me, if you are not going to live a life of purpose, you just cannot work with us.

If you concentrate on the purpose for which you were originally created,  I doubt you will ever have time to call me or any other person about any irrelevant issue.

If you approach me, I will let you know that you are spending your time doing things that you shouldn’t be doing and that’s why you are in the position you’re in today.

You say, ‘Sister Buchi, I am having this issue and that…’, I will tell you to go and look for work to do and get paid instead of finding what Tope did to Shade and all of that. It is important that we women  focus on our purpose. Your purpose is huge.

God is not a stupid. If you start operating on your purpose in life on time, it’s a whole life journey, you won’t have time for anything else and you will go far in life early enough. That is the way God wants it.

Again, would you say women have been given a fair position in governance, especially in the current administration?

Without any intent of upsetting anybody, I will say there are lots of reasons behind this.You know Muslims believe women should be heard and not seen.  I studied Islamic law, so, I know a little about how Muslims view women. Women are meant to be quiet at the back.

So, it’s what he knows that is done,  not her own.  If a woman feels he’s not being fair, she is not to mention it. If she does, it is seen as against the norm.

Accomplished women seem to find it difficult to groom other women before  leaving office. Why do you think this is so?

It’s because women are very selfish. It’s almost like I want to be there and for a very long time.

You know, like Miss World, if it was a case where Miss World is not held every year, whoever the Miss World is wouldn’t want to leave that position or give it to somebody else because everyone who is a Miss World wants to continue being Miss World.

What advice do you have for women in general?

I just want to tell them to believe in themselves. They should dream big and and live a life of purpose. I believe that whatever you can dream, that joy can see, you can achieve it and I think you will always do more.