As far as many are concerned, spanking a child, which is simply explained as beating the child is the worst way of disciplining a child. While this remains true, researches conducted by some psychologists have revealed that using the cane or other forms of handy rods is not only a way of spanking but the also the tongue and other several measures. Our words, they concluded, can have harmful effects on your kids, even if you’re saying positive things.
As counter-intuitive as this sounds, there are certain things you should never tell your kids.
Since children’s minds are impressionable, it is important to know that there are less common phrases that parents should avoid when raising their children up. For instance, while you might not think that saying “good job” is particularly bad, your child draws a certain meaning from it. You, as a person, might not have intended your child’s thoughts or conclusions.
Parents aren’t always aware of the impact certain words have on their kids. But once you’re aware of the types of things you shouldn’t say, you can build healthier relationships with your kids built on a foundation of mutual respect, positive reinforcement, and unconditional love. Below are a number of things you should never tell your kids.
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1. White lies
Oftentimes parents stylishly make their children do stuffs they do not particularly enjoy doing. Most common of this is lies that they generally tag “white lie”. This is nothing but bad parenting. “Mummy, sister Joy is at the door….she is asking of you,” an innocent child would tell his parent. The mother, for one reason or another would without a second thought, instruct him, “‘please, tell her I am not around.”
Another common lie parents tell is where the latter’s health is concerned. You can demoralise your children by avoiding the truth. For example, telling your child that the vaccination injection won’t hurt can lead to distrust.
Ultimately, this action sends a signal to them that it’s okay to lie.
Parents, most times, forget that they are role models to their children from day one. It behoves on you to avoid telling white lies if you don’t want your kids to start fibbing.
Stepping in to help immediately
should never tell your kids
Labelling your children with abusive names
Some parents think that telling their children they are bad, stupid, or other negative labels will motivate them to do better.
This tough-love approach has the complete opposite effect. Shame creates a sense of fear and will cause confusion in your little one.
There is nothing wrong in scolding your child if he/she does something naughty but resorting to name-calling is bad. Instead, identify the specific behaviour and tell him/her why you are punishing him/her.
Always let them know that your action is born out of love. That way, your effort will yield a positive result.
Compare them with others
This is one error many parents consciously and unconsciously make. Comparing your kids with other children is not healthy for your children’s egos. Such common phrases to avoid include, “Why can’t you be more like…” or “Did you not see how…..did that?”
Every child develops at a different pace. Instead of comparing him with other children or siblings, treat each of your children, as separate individuals.
Celebrate their strengths and acknowledge their weaknesses.
Offer personalised help to each child. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and your kids need you to offer specific support specific to their particular character.
Criticisms
This may seem insignificant but criticising your children’s work does more harm than good.
So, instead of condemning your kids’ poor academic performances, appearances, or even choice of friends, celebrate your their victories no matter how little.
Praise hard work so that your child will learn to be proud of his/her effort. The hard work will bear fruit in due time.
Another way to do this is for parents to comment on their children’s victories and avoid condemning their study, work, appearance, friends or choices.
Saying things you don’t want to hear
If you will be conscious of the fact that children copy what they see you do, you will keep to the exact rule you give on any issue. In short, the case of “do what I say, not what I do”, is definitely not good.”
It’s your choice how you conduct yourself. Because your kids copy a lot of things you do, avoid saying unsavoury things that you don’t want to hear your own kids repeat.
Placing blame
Pointing an accusing finger can hurt and stress your child out.
Even if it’s obvious that your child did something wrong, take your time in asking questions without directly accusing your little one.
Your child will learn how to be diplomatic and is more likely to be honest.
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Generic praise
You don’t think twice about giving out general praise in response to achievements. Saying “good job” or “nice one!”
But these types of responses will make your child more dependent on receiving praise as motivation.
Instead, praise specific actions when something happens. For example, “well done on your exam result, I know how hard you studied for it” or “I saw your pass to your teammate, good vision!”
Say “it’s okay”
As parents, it’s normal to feel worried if your child gets hurt.
Many of us try to reassure our little ones that they’re okay. However, when you say that, it dismisses his/her emotions.
Instead, help by comforting your child with a hug or a kiss, then acknowledge what he/she is feeling. By doing so, you’re nurturing your little one’s ability to understand and healthily express his/her feelings.
Put unnecessary pressure
Kids aren’t the most organised people, by any means! But when you put pressure on your child for being tardy or demanding to know what they were up to in school, it causes a lot of stress.
If your child is a bit slow, you can turn activities into mini-games. Have a fun race to see who can get dressed the quickest.
