No woman should be complacent, says Olufolake Abdulrazaq, Kwara First Lady
The First Lady of Kwara State, Dr. Olufolake Abdulrazaq, is an epitome of beauty. The well- travelled woman is a notable diplomat and top shot at the Federal Ministry of Foreign Affairs, who has packed in over 25 years’ experience at the top echelon of Nigeria’s diplomatic circle.
This stylish lady spoke with Anthonia Duru, who was her guest recently, and opened up on her life, parenting style, background, and plans for Kwara women, among sundry issues.
Your mom spoke so well of you recently when you were conferred with a doctorate degree by a foreign university. Could you share with us some of the roles she played in your life?
She has always been serene, sweet and very unassuming. She is so calm and you could see her mien in the house. I, on the other hand, was a firebrand; very up and doing with my dad.
It was always me and my dad and if I say anything she will tell me to go ahead, as my dad and I always decide. She never held me back; she always encouraged me. I tell people not to hold their children back and to encourage them once they see that personality in their children.
Whenever I had a little bit of a stumbling block, she was always there to assist and pick me up. Going to university I had applied, my mom picked me up one day and said we were not waiting for the university and we went there to find out what was going on. We got my letter of admission immediately we got there. She is always there when she notices there is something disturbing my peace.
Someone said you had never tasted poverty but you have conveniently identified with the poor and the down trodden. What is responsible for this?
My father was a diplomat, so we had the taste of affluent and my father always ensured we had the best. However, he also ensured that we had the needy at the back of our mind.
There were always many people in our house, who come from time to time to seek different things, including counsel, financial assistance, etc. Our house was always full with people and my dad always assisted as much as he could.
He had people on his payroll, who were not working for him. He trained so many people in school and some people we knew them along the generations.
My mum still takes care of some people though my dad is gone.
Will you say this prepared you for the office you occupy now?
Diplomacy prepares you for so many things. You work on the world platform and that automatically exposes you to many things and that implies that you can bring best practices back to your own country. It also means you see where your country is doing well and where there is need to do better.
You have gotten to the echelon of your career. What will be your counsel to laid back women, who become so complacent and are not growing with their family?
It is important to encourage women never ever to become complacent. You must grow with your husband and grow with your children, as a woman. Never allow your husband to outgrow you because that in itself is not good for your home. Your husband needs to know that he can always relate with you, talk to you about issues.
He knows you are thinking along with him in the same pattern on any issue. He needs to know that he can seek your counsel and you have something to add and say. It is also important for your husband to respect you so, if you remain complacent and not doing anything, not necessarily paid work, because it is the value that you add to the home that really matters. It is important for your children to see you as a role model.
In Kwara just like every other state in Nigeria, we have political female jobbers, who go about during elections, campaigning for candidates; they grace every political outing and they double as praise singers at political events. Going by your antecedents before you occupied the office of First Lady, what are your plans for this set of women and how do you intend to upgrade them?
They are always up and doing during elections because women in their large numbers voted; they were so organised and they did so much. What I realised is that in Kwara, the women were particularly ready for change. Before I come up with any initiative, they themselves have come to meet me and they tell me of their plans.
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We started lots of skill acquisitions because of them, as they were ready to acquire skills. In all honesty, Kwara women have kept themselves busy outside election and they all have realised that skill acquisition is the best way out of poverty. In the past, they gave them tools but they sell off the tools because they don’t know how to use them and before you know it, they are back in the poverty cycle.
I had a meeting with tailors in Kwara, who are mostly women, and they told me they were ready to teach people how to sew. We have kept them busy by training them. Some banks and even the apex banks have taught them how they could access funding with what they are doing.
Most of them that got loan paid back in no time and the reports I heard were amazing. They are all thriving, including the textile industry. The women are so mobilised and all I need to do is to go check on them. Some of the women, especially those at the palaces, were able to get the monarchs to give them lands for farming; I was amazed when they showed me their produce.
How can we break poverty cycle through women empowerment?
Don’t forget that if you train a woman; you train a nation. It is important for every government to know that you have to bring women on board and you have to train them well. It is also important that you empower them because they are the ones who bring up the children most of the time.
Things around a fulfilled woman are always moving well. It is a complete no brainer that as long as women are not empowered and encouraged you will not have the kind of development you crave. You can’t relegate women to the background and expect the country to thrive at its optimal best.
Kwara State has the highest female political appointees in the country. Did you influence the appointments?
Some of the appointees I knew before they were appointed and I was so pleased. The governor had lots of female supports so he did well to reward them the way he has done. There are women in different boards of Kwara State doing fabulously well. I am very proud of what these women are doing.
In the past months, there has been recurring reported cased of rapes, especially by pedophiles. How are you using your office to raise sensitisation on this?
We had a walk in commemoration of 16 days’ activism on Gender-Based Violence and we were led by Mrs. Aisha Buhari, the First Lady of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, and then we had a conference where we said no to all forms of child abuse.
It is on the increase as we stated but I think that is what Social experts will determine what is the causes and why it’s on the increase. There was a case of a three-year-old child, who was raped by a 60-year-old man. We took up the case and ensured that the child was rehabilitated and the man faced the law.
What we have to contend with is the societal norm of the culture of silence. It baffles me that people still keep quiet in the face of abuse because of societal norm of silence. The culture of silence energises perpetrators because they know they will get away with the crime without being punished. In all this, awareness is the key because the more you create awareness, such things start to die.
What informed the name of Ajike People Support Centre?
Ajike is one of my names and it is a name I love so much. The name has been really nice to me and it is one of the names that I didn’t really use much while growing up. When I was going to start the Centre, for some reasons I discussed with my mom.
We talked and she said I should choose one of my names which to me is amazing. I have always loved the name because it is meaningful and it is a traditional name. The name has resonated and everybody embraces the name because people love it.
Ajike People Support Centre is exactly what it is; it is me expanding my horizon within my scope of how I love to help people. My mom while I was growing always commended me and my dad for being generous and I think it lingers till date. It is nice to be generous and I don’t have any regret whatsoever. We help people generally, especially women, children and youth.
We have done so much for people and we intend to do more. I came up with the state health team recently and people were happy for the health intervention. Anything I do as First Lady, I ensure it goes side by side with what Ajike can do.
How long do you intend to run Ajike?
I intend to run it always because Ajike is not a temporary thing, it is something I intend to run always.
Undoubtedly you have a very good relationship with your mother-in-law, who also spoke glowingly about you at the conferment of the honorary doctorate degree on you few days back. Is It that you have never had cause not to be in agreement with her on issues?
I met my husband 33 years ago, as an undergraduate and I met his mother soon after because she was always around where he lived. My relationship with her immediately we met was a wonderful one because she is a giver and she feeds people. She likes to make delicacies and ensure that everybody eats well.
We love the same colours and we seem to gravitate towards similar things. For a long time, that was what brought us together. She is jovial and she has been there and seen it all. She was the original diplomat’s wife because my father-in-law was Nigeria’s first ambassador to Cote d’ivoire.
That was one of the positions he held apart from being Nigeria’s first northern lawyer and a Senior Advocate of Nigeria. She is the first women to drive a car in Kwara. We discovered she was my father’s eldest sister’s classmate in London when they were both teenagers.
She lights up everywhere she goes. You will always want to emulate such a woman and aim to have her at your corner all the time. She has always been there for me and she loves the children. We have been married for 27 years and I have always been around her even when my husband travelled. We have had low and high points because there is no perfect being but I must say that in the last decade, it has been closer and closer to her.
You dated your husband for six years, what was responsible for that long-term dating?
I don’t think it is the woman that decides when you get married and you have to wait till you are asked. My father was very particular that I have my Masters before I get married and because I was very young, it didn’t occur to me that I should be married.
I started nursing the idea when I was about 23 then some of my friends was announcing that they were getting married. Someone also scared me about long relationships and that actually scared me. He thought about it at the same time, he proposed, got me an engagement ring and thereafter we got married.
My husband is the shy and quiet type but always dotting around me. He is always kind, always being a wonderful husband and a fantastic father to the boys. We thank God for the journey so far though there are rocky patches but we thank God for the journey so far.
What was the attraction to your husband?
It has been so long. He was such a gentle man to me and he treated me like the princess that I was and he still does that. He showed me the perfect manners when we met until we started dating.
What has been your staying power over the years?
My husband has been very supportive. I have always been a diplomat and I travel around the world while my husband was an international entrepreneur most of the time he travels out for businesses. We made it work and God has helped us because we are both committed to each other and this sustains us. I live in different countries due to different postings.
Can you share with us your parenting style?
We are different time and I have seen different types of parenting. I saw the way my grandmother was with us because I spent quality time with her. I saw how my mother raised us, how I raised my children and how the younger ones are raising their children now.
You just have to move with the time to train children. Openness is important in today’s style of parenting so the children can have enough confidence enough to discuss anything with you. Let your children be free enough to talk to you about their challenges and their struggles so they can seek your counsel.
It is important not to be a helicopter parent whereby you are always hovering around the child, this won’t enable the child to grow his or her own skill. Be present but don’t hover around them too much. Give them the right set of skill for life but please don’t spoil them.
If you spoil children, you are setting yourself up for failure. Make sure they are circumspect and let them know they need to work for what they have. It is important you make them know they have to work hard, no child no matter from what background should be given the impression that they don’t have to work hard.
You are a powerful dresser. What informs your dress sense?
Thank you. I have always been this way, style is in you, so you project what you have inside. Most Nigerian women are stylish. I am glad that people notice my style and they celebrate me for it. I am very happy that people acknowledge that I am stylish.
What is the greatest lesson life has taught you?
Life has taught me to be patient. It is something I will like to echo, especially to younger women. Patience is key in life, especially when you are chasing after something. I have seen lots of people get frustrated easily and they can’t wait it out. There is always a big turnaround for me when I have almost given up on things.
