It is no longer news that marriages, these days don’t last long like they did many years ago. So many years ago, even when our grand fathers married three, four wives, the women lived together under the same roof, their children, no matter how many they were and their peculiarities, ate from the same plate, slept in the same room and plied the same route to their daily activities. They did this and many of the wives lived till old age before dying.
How did they do it? Though every house operated an extended family, still, they coped. What exactly could have been the matter with people of this age where there is so much exposure, education, literacy, civilisation, smartness and above all strong religious beliefs that preach and warn against hatred, quarrels and enjoin everyone to dwell in peace and harmony? These are questions that many wise people have asked and will keep asking for as long as the violence in many homes continues.
While some experts have daily recorded the number of casualties trailing domestic violence and lack of human feelings among citizens in the country, other observers have come out with the conclusion that even the upsurge of crime in the society will be curtailed if families, parents, the first custodians of children will stand well, stand right and make the home front strong and worthwhile for children to learn good morals.
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Unfortunately, this has become a Herculean task, as most parents are very bad examples to their children at home.
A septuagenarian, Pa John Adegboyega, a retired headmaster in the state told The Nigerian Xpress that couples no longer respect each other’s feelings and opinions again and this constitutes a problem in most homes.
He said: “In those days, men were on top of their games. They married as many wives as they could cater for and all the wives gave them their due respect. But this is not so again. Women now go the extra mile to earn money. They even share responsibilities with men; so, they see no reason they should respect their husbands. No man is crazy, as to just want to beat, least of all kill his woman but the women push them to the wall, they ignite the beast in them.”
The first attitude of women that most men hate most, according to Pa Adegboyega, is possessiveness. “No marriage is made in heaven and the friction in any marriage stems from what we detest in each other.
Most men can’t cope with a possessive woman. I don’t know why a lot of women these days seem to have serious security issues when it comes to their relationships. Don’t they know that the fact that men are married to them alone is an indication of them wanting to show them that their relationship with them is secured and they need not be bothered about other women they may come across, as they go about their day-to-day activities? This is why most men, unlike years before, choose monogamy to polygamy when actually they are naturally designed for the latter,” he noted.
Corroborating him on this was another man, Alex Coleman, who explained that it is insecurity that makes women get possessive of men.
“The average man does not want a ‘Fuji house of commotion’ but most women get possessive when they feel insecure. That is what makes the average wife to always want the husband to keep on re-affirming his love daily, even when he has other things doing,” he said.
Another trait that men hate in women is nagging. Most married men, according to Pa Adegboyega, hate it when their wives criticise the minutest thing that they should have over-looked. Whereas most women are in the habit of making unwarranted criticisms, men hate it with a passion.
“It is not good that women complain of things that are not really relevant like what another woman is wearing, the car she is driving, the kind of schools her children are attending and so on. Imagine a woman telling her husband to stop wearing his favourite tie or shirt all because he wore it last week and people might think he didn’t have enough clothes. If she would say it in a softer manner and not in an abusive or derogatory manner, the man might possibly see her observation and consider it, as borne out of love. But where it is done the other way, the man will believe she is indirectly saying his sense of judgment is shallow.
“All men want is understanding and not criticism. They want to be accepted for who and what they have become and not to be changed to fit into someone’s idea of a perfect man like most women want their husbands to be,” observed the septuagenarian.
Men find nagging very irritating and annoying. It leads to the many instances of domestic violence in the country today.
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Sloppiness is another feature that most men cannot stand in women. “No man wants a woman, who finds it difficult to take care of her body after childbirth or a few years down the line of marriage. The generally assumed notion of some women that since they have been married to their husbands (especially men of God), they are hooked forever according to the Holy books can work against any marriage no matter the strength of the foundation. It is important that women know that getting a man is not as difficult as keeping the man.
Men also detest pretence, lies and fake lifestyle, which a lot of married women are fond of these days. They
Want to be like one person or another. They, therefore, make life unbearable for their husbands, who are forced to do extra work to meet up with the financial demands of these women. Women who spend too much money on jewelry and other personal items at the detriment of important needs of the family also fall into this category.
What about a woman, who uses every little excuse to go off sex. Pa Adegboyega in his explanation was quick to point out that “men, by nature are sexual animals. Having sex regularly with our partners is naturally conditioned into our psyche, as one of the most important ways of showing we care. A woman who is in the habit of refusing her husband sex will no doubt put him off. Beyond this, no man will ever resist a meek, gentle and patient woman,” he added.
