Christopher and Helen had been married only for one year but there is an issue that is currently tearing their relationship apart, silently but very fast.
Here goes Helen’s story: “Before our marriage one year ago, I never trusted any man. In fact, I wouldn’t totally take any man absolutely by his words. From my experience, I always believed that there was always more to whatever any man said. As a matter of fact, I believed a man meant the exact opposite of whatever he said. But then, I met my husband ; we got married and I just decided that it was time to trust a man.
“We do not keep anything from each other, we are friends and I suppose we still are. But there is a recent development that is disturbing me. He has continually put a password on his phone in spite of the fact that I gave him mine. He seems to keep his password close to his chest. I can’t say there is any reason for me to suspect or distrust him because he picks all his calls in my presence and I often can hear whatever the person on the other end is saying. The issue I have with him is the fact that he locks his phone with a password, which he changes almost every three days. Just when I think I have cracked his pattern of code, he creates a more complex one, which locks me out.
“We do not have any kid yet but I am so worried that I have decided that I will not be ready until he is as open as I am with him. Yes, we love each other but there is something that is not just adding up.”
Marriage is designed to unite the two major players. The two who are expected to be bond in complete transparency should not hide anything from each other, as secrecy is an enemy of intimacy.
The cell phone is, however, a major hindrance to the above rules. To lock their phones, some couples have devised all kinds of complicated passwords, such as convoluted patterns, which they themselves forget at times.
There are cases of some who even go to the extent of carrying their phones to bathrooms and toilets, others sit and sleep with theirs closely tucked away in their pockets.
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The question here is why would anyone go to this extent if there is really nothing to hide? Why do couples put passwords on their phones?
A psychologist, Mr. Edward Ona, highlighted reasons people get secretive with their cell phones and what such an action implies.
There may be nude photos of or other pictures of his escapades with a secret flame. This, he wants to keep away from the prying eyes of his wife.
It may be a harmless way of denying a spouse, who is always siphoning his airtime to make some Internet transactions.
He or she has not given up on his or her ‘ex’ and there are incriminating chats on the phone. So, he is keeping secret the skeletons of his double lives, infidelity.
He is into some secret financial transactions that can be incriminating.
Whatever your reason for putting a hard-to-crack password on your phone, experts warn that you should be careful and think the decision over. They said you stand the risk of being stranded at times of emergencies when you are likely to need help and your contacts are not able to be reached since you have locked it up.
Relationship experts add that when you don’t give your spouse full access to your phone, you are simply saying, “I’m not giving you full access to myself.” And of what essence is a relationship where the players are partly committed? The healthiest couples, they say value transparency over personal privacy.
