By Steve Nwosu
As a general rule, it is advisable to have your business dress say nothing at all about you other than that your clothes fit -Mark McCormack
Seeing Sen. Kashim Shettima, presidential running mate of the All Progressives Congress (APC), at the AGM of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) in Lagos earlier in the week brought back memories of a better forgotten day. It brought back memories of the formal presentation of the former Borno State governor as Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s running mate in Abuja last month.
But, in all, one thing is very clear to me: the same tailor who kitted the infamous “bishops” at Shettima’s formal presentation obviously cobbled the “coat” he wore to the NBA event.
Even if one decided to ignore the sneakers – especially against the backdrop of the abominable ensembles that strut the catwalk runways these days, it’s almost impossible to miss the trousers. They looked like a cross between pyjamas pants and the Judogi pant. And because it seemed to have been hurriedly patched together, there was no time to iron it to bring out the gators and smoothen the stitch lines.
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The only thing that has come close to those trousers in recent memory is that abominable contraption the Hope Uzodimma government put under President Muhammadu Buhari’s isi-agu jumper during that his celebrated visit to Imo State.
Back to Shettima.
The same injustice on the trousers was extended to the jacket (or, better still, coat). The razor-straight, well-horned finishing details, noticeable in Atiku’s suit, were lacking in Shettima’s. So much so that it looked like a splitting image of those jackets long-distance motor boys use to ward off cold harmattan weather, as they ride in the backs of those goods-only trucks and lorries.
And then, to make matters worse, ex-banker Shettima forgot to unbutton the jacket, as he sank into the low seat on the stage, putting further pressure on both the button and fabric of the “coat” and further accentuating the poor craftsmanship of his cobbler-turned Obioma tailor.
The strain on the “coat” (and the very low seat) also extended to the tie and shirt collar – both of which conspired to give his visage that uncomplimentary puff-adder look. Suddenly, the otherwise very handsome presidential running mate appeared like someone who swallowed a bee and was struggling to keep it down.
Luckily, Shettima salvaged the ‘bad’ day by himself, with his brilliant presentation and articulation when he had the opportunity to address the gathering. Now, I’m not comparing him to any of the duo of Obi and Atiku. I was just impressed that he came through as intelligently as I’ve always known him to be, thus shifting the focus, albeit temporarily, away from his wardrobe accident.
Of course, I expected Shettima’s image managers to poohpooh the “detractors'” focus on his dressing. And they have done just that so far. According to them, the 2023 election is not about fashion, but more serious issues. Unfortunately, even they too have refused to discuss these “more serious” issues so far. All we get to hear are the tired lines about tackling insecurity, fighting corruption and fixing the economy – the same blanket slogan they used to pull the wool over our eyes in 2014 and 2018. Ask them to provide details of how they’d go about it, and they’ll tell you to wait for their manifesto. It’s seven months to the election, and we’re still waiting. For all of them.
But then APC Presidential campaign spokesman and junior Minister for Labour and Employment, Festus Keyamo, characteristically overdid the defence of Shettima by doing a photo shoot of himself in a similar outfit – topped with a baseball cap. Even though he deliberately committed the same fashion crime of elongated tie peeping out from under an unbuttoned jacket, he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t carry the ensemble better than his principal did.
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Contrast this with those iconic shoes Asiwaju was always sporting in London, while he was recuperating there several months ago. We saw him wear those same shoes over joggers and sweatshirts. We saw him combine them with jeans and jackets, we saw him wear them with lounging robes (jalabia) etc. But because it always turned out good, it soon became a style statement and fashion trend, so much so that we all wear the same today, even on buba and şokoto.
Even President Muhammadu Buhari, while holidaying in the UK, was occasionally photographed in lounging robes, his trademark bishop-collar robes etc. combined with either half-shoe or even the same comfy sneakers. We celebrated it as the Buhari style. And we copied the style too.
In fact, it was on my big brother and former deputy governor of Imo State, Prince Eze Madumere, that I first saw a high-ranking politician/public officer sport such a daring combination. Madumere had a knack for wearing sneakers with his French suits and smart native attires (the type we call senator). But he had the gait and physique to carry it well. So much so that it looked almost desirable. Even Atiku has been photographed in a similar get-up.
But, in all, the golden rule remains that it must fit and the finishing must be top draw. The Shettima ensemble failed both tests.
What Keyamo succeeded in telling us, with his failed defence of the Shettima wardrobe misadventure is that ex-governors’ wardrobe advisers, desperate to make their client look young and in tune with the Z-gen, opted for fashion and trend, as against style, comfort and propriety. The experiment failed. The same way it failed the day they forced a hideous pair of sweatpants on Asiwaju, on his return from an overseas trip. In fact, but for the fact that yours sincerely had severally seen the Jagaban looking sporty in tracksuits and sneakers before then, one would have concluded he was wearing misshapen diapers.
Let’s not overdo this youthfulness thing. For we all know who these candidates and their running mates are.
Meanwhile, until they give us something worthwhile to focus on, all we have to occupy ourselves with, for now, is their dressing and dress sense. And as the old saying goes, dress as you’ll like to be addressed.
But, like Bob Hope once said, “Don’t judge Cher (the usually skimpily dressed sexy singer) by her clothes. There isn’t enough evidence”. So, let it be with Shettima.
