“My husband is a handsome, intelligent, humorous and very responsible man. When he stands to argue on any topical issue or preach in the church at any given time, he makes me proud always. But once it is night or he falls asleep at any other time of the day, I always wonder why I ended up with him. In fact, all the love I have for him usually disappear. Why?
He’s prone to snoring; he is endowed with that tectonic sort of snoring that would make the walls rattle if we were cartoon characters. As we’re all too real, it made us miserable instead: I lost sleep, he’d end up wounded from the little kicks I’d given him, as I tried to get him to roll over, or caution him when he was doing it in the sitting room while we had visitors around and we had both woken up feeling wronged and guilty at the same time. What am I supposed to do? He is the father of my children and we have been together for six years but it is frustrating.
Above was the complaint of a woman in my church.
It doesn’t take a soothsayer to tell anyone that snoring can wreak havoc on relationships. The noise made by a snoring spouse can make one so angry that he or she may want to hit the spouse or even wish his spouse go on vacation to Mars and never return. Snoring can put a great strain on marriage. A snoring partner’s snoring noise can cause sleep deprivation in his spouse.
While, snoring remains a sleep disorder and a health condition, findings from the National Sleep Foundation poll, reveals that in a marriage of 100 people, at least 70 per cent of one or both couples snore, putting the relationship at jeopardy. While some have resigned to fate, some who cannot cope with the sound sleep in guests’ rooms while others often contemplate pulling out of the relationship. Whichever way anyone experiencing this problem may fall into, the experience is not palatable, the effect is not positive on the marriage and something should be done because marriage is supposed to be forever and, therefore, should be enjoyed.
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How then can couples keep their bond strong in the face of snoring? Some people would argue that sleeping in separate beds is the way out but, it is a means to creating a gap between couples; so, this may not be the right way to go about this situation. One woman who forced her husband to sleep in another room has this to say: “My husband tried evicting himself from the bedroom and getting shuteye on our living room couch on some days I could not sleep because of his snoring habit, but that was hardly a solution for us; he was uncomfortable, and my guilt about driving him out kept me awake all those nights. I eventually allowed him in but I have been losing my sleep ever since.”
Mrs. Oluwakemi Anifowoshe, a medical expert in Behavioral sleep at the Ladoke Akintola University Teaching Hospital, LAUTECH, Osogbo, Osun State, suggests the following steps to cope with snoring partners.
Let your spouse sleep on his side
If your spouse sleeps on his back, encourage him to try sleeping on his side or on his stomach. Furthermore, when he inadvertently turns onto his back during his sleep, wake him up and tell him gently to sleep on his side again. This is one great way of dealing with a spouse that snores for it can prevent quarrels.
“If your partner isn’t choking or gasping in their sleep, they may just snore because they’re lying on their back. Put a tennis ball in a pocket tee worn backwards, which can help train them to sleep on their side,” says Anifowoshe. That may sound a bit silly, but no more so than performing tiny, angry karate chops on your partner so that he turns over without knowing it’s because you whacked him.
Get him acknowledge that he snores
It is important that your spouse realises that he’s got some problems. If he does not recognise it is as a problem, there is no way he will cooperate with you to solve the issue. A person who snores does not hear the noise he makes, obviously. He can, therefore, deny he snores and may even accuse you of trying to disgrace him or that you are finding some excuse to pull him down. He can even attribute it to any of the challenges you are passing through in the family, like finance. God helps you if he is in between jobs or she is heavily pregnant or something. It is, therefore, important that you make an effort to record your spouse’s snoring and play it back to him to convince him that there is a problem. Present the matter in a subtle manner that will make him want to go all the way to get better.
Now tell him the discomfort that you suffer
After getting your spouse know that there is a problem, have a discussion with him and let him know how you feel, how uncomfortable you felt on those days and why it should not continue. Let him or her know the impression this will be for the two of you if visitors are around. This will release you emotionally and prevent bitterness, which may lead to fights.
Exercise Patient
You need a lot of patience to deal with this issue. Patience is the ability to endure something that is irritating without losing your cool. It is the determination to control your anger when you are being provoked. You will need to be patient, if you want to deal with a snoring spouse. Make up your mind that you will endure the situation, even if it hurts you. After all, you agreed to “…for better or for worse.” This is the “for worse” part of marriage! Before you realise it, the problem will become a thing of the past.
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Be Understanding
You must handle the situation from the point of knowledge. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. What would you have loved him or her do if you were the person in question? As long as you wouldn’t want him to walk out on you for this reason, you also must understand. Try to empathise with him or her. Look at the whole situation from the perspective that your spouse is sick and needs you to show concern and care for his situation.
Get him/her to Exercise
Research has shown that when you put on weight around your neck, it can cause your throat to narrow when you sleep, which in turn makes one snore louder. If your spouse is overweight, encourage him to lose weight. Make it easy for him to desire to start exercising by offering to do the exercises together with him.
See a medical expert
“This will assure both of you that it is not a heart’s problem,” observes Anifowoshe.
Packing away from your bedroom to another room, fighting or attempting to quit your marriage because your partner snores is never the best way to tackle this issue. If you, as a woman will not leave your home for another woman to occupy just because the latter got impregnated by your husband, it will be sheer carelessness and frivolity to abandon the man you claim you love because he snores loudly.
