Anthony Iwuoma
The controversy trailing the death of Aisha Habib Ibn Usman, the wife of a Bank Manager, in Kogi State is yet to abate.
Until her death, the mother of four was a lecturer at Confluence University of Science and Technology (CUSTECH), Osara, and also pursuing a doctorate degree programme at the Federal University Lokoja (FUL).
The late Aisha, according to her banker husband, allegedly committed suicide in her bathroom on February 4, 2023.
Aisha reportedly took her because she could not come with her husband taking a second wife.
However, Dr Kabiru Zubair, the second cousin of the deceased, has dissociated himself from a publication on the demise of his late cousin.
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Zubair, in a statement on Monday in Lokoja, described the said publication as ”unwarranted, especially at a time when we should be in a sober reflection of the enormity of this avoidable and unnecessary death”.
According to Zubair, who is the former Chairman of Nigerian Medical Association in Kogi: ”My attention has been drawn to a publication in which my name was specifically mentioned by an online publisher, Press TV, published on the 8th February 2023, four days after the sudden demise of our beloved sister, Aisha Habib Ibn Usman.
”I wish to dissociate myself from this unwarranted publication, at a time when we should be in a sober reflection of the enormity of this avoidable and unnecessary death.
”Going to the press at this time is the height of insensitivity, and worst still, when flimsy reason was proffered as the cause of the death of the mother of four.
”This publication has made light the issue of suicide and amount to dancing on her grave.
”Ordinarily, we would have ignored the publication if it is coming from an outsider with little information about the scenario leading to her death.
”But, since the interview was granted by her husband who is at the center of all these, not responding to this provocative publication will be a great de-service to our late sister, our family, womanhood and humanity in general.
”To start with, let it be on record, that none of our family members have ever committed suicide and it is not in our character.
”The lady in question is my second cousin; I am not her uncle as stated in the said publication. She was born and brought up in Kano. She got married to her husband 14 years ago on the 10th October, 2008 in Lokoja in my house.
”She was a lecturer at Confluence University of Science and Technology (CUSTECH), Osara and was doing her PhD with the Federal University Lokoja (FUL) at the time of her demise.
”She was a hardworking woman, who despite her academic pursuit took care of not only her immediate family, but also her husband’s extended family, her aged mother and siblings.
”She was also industrious with side hustles to supplement the family income. She is a virtuous woman who is not ready to jump from one man to the other,” he said.
Zubair disclosed that they were only called to see the corpse of their late sister at Shiffah Hospital in the morning of Saturday, 4th February, 2023, and was told by her husband that she had committed suicide by hanging herself in her ‘bathroom’.
However, he noted that autopsy could not be done to authenticate the claim because of the Islamic burial rites.
Zubair explained that he was issuing the rejoinder in order to counter the shinanigan in the said publication that attempted to make a mockery of her death and promote suicide as an escape route for young women, who suddenly found themselves in problems associated with polygamous homes.
He said: ”In the said publication, it was stated that she committed suicide because of the ‘second wife’, this statement is not true and should be disregarded by well meaning individuals, because the decision to commit suicide is not that simple.
”This is an attempt to sweep under the carpet the series of injustices meted out to her that led to her emotional breakdown and psychological trauma; the events leading to ‘suicide’.
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”She had complained of finding it difficult to cope in her matrimonial home for many years. But, she was encouraged to endure as no marriage is perfect and that things would get better with time.”
Zubair, who is also the President of Ebira Doctors’ Forum, EDF, narrated the ordeals of Aisha in her marriage before her tragic and untimely death.
”The events leading to her death started on 27th October 2022, about three months after the new wife came into the house.
”She left her matrimonial home when her husband accused her of a wrong doings that she couldn’t telorate. She was already on the ‘edge’ and feeling frustrated at this time because of too many accusations and counters for offences she never committed, as a result of which she moved out of her matrimonial home without giving it a serious thought.
”Her grouse was that she was not only being denied her conjugal rites, she was also disrespected, humiliated and accused of many wrong doings, most of which are better left out of print.
”Every attempt to seek redress, fell on deaf ears and these issues were never addressed, rather the more she tried to adjust to her new reality, the more things got worse, until she became extremely frustrated, unable to fight back and was pushed to a breaking ‘point of no return’.
”She thought her husband would call her or the family would sit down to address the issues, but everyone was grandstanding. The husband was too strong to call, the wife was too weak to call, while both families could not sit because of ego. A number of well meaning individuals tried to intervene without success.
”Three months after she left the house, she couldn’t tolerate staying without her children anymore. She became worried and badly wanted to return to her matrimonial home.
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”Family members who are quite familiar with the hostility in her matrimonial home warned her sternly about the dire consequences of returning there since the issues that made her pack out of the house have not been resolved. And that she will face a more hostile environment since she has stayed too long outside and no one bothered to resolve the issues she complained about.
”However, she became downcast and feeling worthless. This was the stage where I came into the matter and had to bend over backwards in an attempt to mediate on the issues.
”I met her husband and discussed with him about the need to allow her to return home, and he agreed that she should come back and stay with her kids, but not without some conditions.
”We succeeded in taking her back on the 29th January when one of the son in boarding school was brought back home because of chicken pox. Our intention was to continue further reconciliation afterwards,” he said.
Zubair, however expressed shock that they were called to come and see their sister’s corpse at Shiffah hospital that she had committed suicide, just seven days after returning home leaving behind her four (4} innocent children that she so much wanted to stay with.
”In her ‘suicide’ note in the said publication, which we are seeing for the very first time online, it’s obvious she was still in morbid fear of her husband such that she could not discuss freely with him to the extent that she has to enter his room severally without summoning the courage to utter a word for what she wanted to say or initiate discussion.
”Well, she is gone and gone forever, nothing can bring her back. But, no one should make a mockery of her death as no one chooses how to die.
”In order to forestall similar occurrence in polygamous homes that’s now trending. Islamic scholars should endeavor to lay emphasis on the ‘injustices’ part of Surah, Al-Nisâ 4:3. And that justice in this instance goes beyond mere material things.
”For women (and men alike), once your matrimonial home becomes ‘unsafe’ for habitation, have the courage to leave but do serious introspection before taking such a serious decision, because sometimes it may be difficult to reverse.
”Finally, men should not jump into polygamy because it’s trending or for the wrong reason, they should think about the implications, especially the maturity to handle issues as they arise, because no two cases are the same,” Zubair said.
