Yemisi Olusina
There is this young couple in my church. They are Mr and Mrs Debo Olanrewaju. They have been married for five years and are among the active members of the church. As a matter of fact, I was the master of their engagement ceremony.
Until very recently, when their matter was brought to the marriage counseling unit of the church, theirs was a positive home of reference to other couples and even the youths.
The problem? For about one year, according to Bose (Mrs. Olanrewaju), her man comes very late just to sleep and leaves quite early too for his office. She has thought this would be temporary but unfortunately, it seems to have become his way of life. “We rarely talk as man and wife these days because we seldom see each other. He comes home late and does not even eat the food I prepare for him. I am tired…I thought I married a child of God, but see what I am experiencing…”
Well, the counseling crew tried to get to the root of the matter and we discovered that just as the saying, ‘there is no smoke without fire’ goes, Madam Bose was ironically the one who lit the fire that is currently consuming her once blissful marriage.
Her husband’s explanation gave us the lead. “My wife’s cool attitude suddenly changed some months ago. She started complaining about almost everything and would not consider any of my explanations. She almost pushed me into getting violent one day, which made me to decide to stay late after office hours to keep my sanity as well as help my home,” he said.
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Unfortunately, the path that Mr. Olanrewaju chose has really pushed him into the arms of a female friend who is currently keeping our dear brother busy.
While the committee is actively working on ways to bring the two of them together, it is important that we make this clear to everyone reading this. Know today that the fact that your husband is a pastor, born-again, an Imam or one that is just morally upright is not enough to see him as less human. I mean as long as blood runs through the veins of that man, he is vulnerable to any form of temptation. If you push a man to the wall, you will definitely see his other side. Well, so it is with women too.
Coming home on time is a sign of affection. It shows he cares enough about how you feel and is a way of showing he loves you.
When this breaks, issues may arise.
But before you jump into conclusions and start accusing him, there are other genuine reasons why he could be coming home late.
Here are some that every woman should take note of:
- Constant nagging
While there is always a very good reason women nag, men tend to avoid it at all costs even if it means coming home when you are asleep or too tired to argue with him. Most women are guilty of this. No matter how religious your husband is, if you are a nagging wife, he will find a way of avoiding you. To avoid this, please check yourself. Find a mild and respectful way of making your feelings known to him.
- Working overtime
Have you taken steps to find out about his work schedule? This is because his coming late may just be due to that.
Jobs are different and the reason he may be coming home late may be because he’s actually working to beat deadlines or overtime so as to bring in some extra cash. So, before exploding, slow down and get your findings right.
- Stress
Most men prefer not to talk about what’s bothering them. They tend to keep quiet about it and try to solve it on their own. This can lead to stress and, to avoid talking, he will prefer staying out late until he figures out his ‘mess.’ To help him out of this situation, it will be better to make yourself relevant by providing a shoulder for him to rest on instead of fomenting further problem at home.
- Cheating
This is one of the leading reasons most men come home late these days. If he has another woman, he has to create time for her before coming home, no matter how late it is, rather than not coming at all. But the situation can still be corrected if you as the wife will be humble and mature about it.
- If he is a socialiser
Have you ever considered that your husband might be a social person? If yes, no need to worry because he might not necessarily be cheating, but just enjoying the company of his friends and having them around before going home. Making a scene over this can only send him further away from the home.
- Mid-life crisis
When some men reach a certain age, especially if they had not enjoyed such fun while they were younger, they are always prompted easily to live that care-free life at a much later stage. This growing trend nowadays makes most of them forget their roles as husbands and care givers. All you should do is to be observant and be part of his adventure.
- May be trying to avoid helping around the house
This may be funny but do you know that your husband may decide to be coming home late to avoid helping you with some responsibilities, such as ensuring that the children do their homework, take a shower, eat and go to bed on time. Some believe it is the woman’s work and that they can handle it on their own!
If you do not want your man to be permanently away from home, you have the ball absolutely in your court. Get to the root of the reason he is coming late and work on them. Nagging, making a bad scene over the issue will not solve the problem. Instead, it will aggravate the situation. Even if he is cheating on you, so what? As far as he is discreet about it, he still reserves some measure of respect for you. Just be mature about it. See him as your legal property, care and protect him. Go out of your way to pamper him and safeguard your home. Above all, pray, don’t fight. Always remember that your kids are watching you and know also that they are not just watching, they are recording, learning from you. So, what lessons do you want to pass across to them? A word should be enough for the wise.