At one point or another in most marriages, the man, who is usually the breadwinner of the family, finds himself in between jobs. It may be intentional where the man pulls out of his job to stand on his own or look for another one. It may, however, not be intentional where, due to one reason or another, he gets sacked from his employment.
Whichever way it happens, coping with responsibilities at home becomes an arduous task whenever a man is out of job. There is so much stress attached to living, as the bulk of the work automatically rests upon the woman. Since women are not configured to shoulder so much financial responsibilities, the wife cannot but resent the new line of duty of becoming the family’s breadwinner. The husband, on the other hand, feels he no longer has what it takes to “be a man,” to be the family’s main provider and, therefore, begins to feel bad and reads unnecessary meaning to his wife’s action.
The overall effect of this development is usually negative on the home. It becomes worse where the woman was used to have more than the financial providence she needed. How would she and the children suddenly stop going to the eateries, the supermarkets, the game spots, beaches, cinema houses and the annual trip they were used to making during the long vacation, at summer?
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What about the kind of wears they put on? For how long will they cope without the domestic servants that they are likely to lay off due to the situation? It is indeed a serious problem. So, the atmosphere in the house gets tense. She is faced with the duties, at least, to ensure that the kids remain in school, get well fed and feel less of the situation.
But then, there is bound to be constant quarrel between the two. When she is not able to get some things fixed, she blames the man. Where the househelp has been laid off and she had to fill in the gap early in the morning to get the kids kitted for school and get the house in a good shape, the man bears the brunt.
This is no doubt transferred to the bedroom
Their sex life cannot but dwindle or how would a jobless man, who has had to have his fragile wife go through a lot during the day approach his wife for sex in the night or whenever? When the man finds it hard to also have his way, he can take to alcohol, smoking, late night outing and other negative habits just to while away the time or wipe away his sorrow. They are likely to resolve to anger or violence or both on issues that would not have gained their cognizance when the going was good. The stress of unemployment, in some instances has led to depression, high blood pressure and untimely death besides crumbled homes
The good news, however, is that periods of unemployment do not last forever. So, instead of allowing the situation to rule and destroy the good life that you guys have built, here are ways you can manage the situation.
Come to terms with the situation
If the unemployed spouse can choose to accept things are the way they are, believing that there is still hope, the weight of the situation will not drive him crazy.
Do not make the affected spouse feel guilty. The employed spouse can remember to involve the unemployed spouse in decision-making in the family like before. It will go a long way to making him feel good about himself and hope of a better tomorrow. Avoid such utterances as “What are we going to do now?” It can only make him feel guilty and drive him to the walls. Know that losses can be devastating and being laid off is a primary loss.
Seek help
Instead of arguing and passing buck, both of you can seek help from both informal sources (such as wise and trusted friends or family members) and professional ones (including private counselors, counseling services, or programmes made available by your religious leaders).
It may be a blessing in disguise
They can notice and appreciate that, in the middle of all this turmoil, there may well be some positives. A formerly two-income family may not be able to afford daycare anymore, but now the family doesn’t need daycare. A dad may be surprised to discover he really enjoys being home with the kids. (Not that it’s easier than heading out every day to a job!) Now he gets to know them, and they get to know him, in ways that wouldn’t have happened without his unemployment. A couple that has talked about, and seriously considered simplifying the family’s lifestyle can realise that now there’s both a perfect excuse to do just that – and little option to do otherwise.
Know that it is for a reason This kind of situation draws true couples towards God because you will soon realise that you will survive, meaning it is God who provides and not your efforts. Achieving stuffs in spite of your situation is an indication that there’s a higher power, who cares about you and this is likely going to help you pray more unto Him.
Cut your desires down
It is a time to learn how to plan your financial needs. Avoid the purchase of the necessaries. Buy only those things that the house needs. Impulsive buying should be discouraged and society parties and other engagements where you will need to buy “aso ebi” and other ‘owambe’ details.
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Don’t nag
Although you want your partner to be more active in searching for a job or getting busy, nagging and complaining only makes matters worse.
Reward every step forward
You get a lot further by noticing the positives. Rather than nag and criticise, notice the positive steps your friend or partner is making and say, “It is good that you made those calls today” or “That was wonderful that you sent out your resume”. Also reward activities that are simply healthy behaviour – like exercise, seeing friends, taking classes. You build confidence on positives.
Suggest solutions
Brainstorming ways of solving the problem is a good way of getting through the situation. Encourage him with sweet words. For example, you might say, “It’s a hard time and you probably feel discouraged. You’re human and that’s natural. Let’s think of ways out of this problem together.”
Always have it in mind that this kind of period is a hard time for your partner. As such, he or she needs all the encouragements from you. The situation is not going to be forever, mind you. So, whatever you do at this trying time will not be forgotten in a hurry.