With Yemisi Olusina
Except for a few, love-making is a top priority on the to-do lists of men. Little wonder they go the extra mile not just to achieve this but to make it worth the while for their female partners.
While this remains factual about men, it is important that women do not get carried away because there are some things still, call it habits, practices or sexual behaviours, that can simply bring men to a negative conclusion about women and get them turned off.
And if you are one of those who think such things as turning a man off do not exist and cannot happen to you just because you have signed the dotted lines of “for better or worse,” with him, wait until you are guilty of more than one of the offences that we are about to discuss here and see if you will remain on that good page of his that you are probably on currently.
If you refuse to consider the tips until he is turned off, just do not come fretting or complaining to anyone when you begin to see less of him at home or he is paying little or no attention to your needs behind closed doors.
What I am trying to say is that though most guys won’t give a flying condom about any of the wrong things that we women do while under the sheets, a few of them actually do. If your man now happens to be one of those few, your relationship may get problematic.
To avoid or get this corrected, here are a number of such areas you need to pay cognisance to for a fun-filled relationship.
Unpleasant odour
Although studies have shown that a large number of men care less about smells, sweat, and sound when their women are naked and they are aroused, a few of them actually get pissed off by the unpleasant smell. As a matter of fact, some of them said it could make them go limp.
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In an Archives of Sexual Behavior study, it was discovered that women who were aroused felt significantly less worried by things they normally might be freaked out by, but dudes’ level of disgust stayed exactly the same, even in the heat of the moment. Meaning while a woman’s sense of smell may not really be active when she is aroused, men’s smelling organ remains very active.
Besides body and mouth odour that can impede on the fun of love-making, if your vaggie smells a little off, your man may get discouraged from getting down with you.
No matter how horny a man may be, since a smelly vaggie even signals an infection, the guy may not only take to his heels on that day, he may never want to have anything to do with you again.
Unless you have a bad smell underneath, most guys, according to a Sexual Therapist, Mrs Rosemary Ibi, will always find your natural scent to be a turn on.
One hell of a deal about body odour is that it could present you as an unkempt person, who cares less about personal hygiene.
Mind you, if it is an ordinary smell of an after-gym session or just the regular after-sleep or domestic work sweat, you leave no repulsive scent on your track.
The good news, according to Mrs Ibi, tends to signal more fun as sweating together can turn you both on. Instead of climbing into bed immediately, hop under the shower together and get the game started even right there (under the shower).
On odour from the mouth, even when you will ordinarily not have a bad smell from your mouth, eating stuff like garlic, kola nuts, onions are roadblocks to real intimacy and your man won’t forgive that definitely. You are advised to get those edibles that will give your mouth a minty fresh smell because you need that mouth a great deal in your next activity.
Lack of self-confidence
No man likes it when a woman gets skittish about stripping down in front of him. For crying loud, why would you agree to have such a moment with him and you will become so shy as to be pushing him away when he tries getting down with you, or you become totally silent while at it? These are signs of sexual insecurity and a big-time infringement on your man’s energy.
“Men love women who exhibit real confidence in ”bedmatics” by being in charge of the entire game, from the way they undress, flaunting every of their assets, to the real do.
No big deal in allowing him take charge but letting him know what you have and how you like it gives him the impression that you are equally into the game and this will burst a man’s bubbles any day,” says Therapist Ibi.
Hiding your period from him
Since you are not the determinant of your monthly period, God and nature is, you have no reason not to inform your man that you are on. Hiding it from him and allowing him discover later by himself will definitely put him off. He will see you as being prankful which can get him very angry.
Gone are those days when men see making love with a woman during her period as abominable, uncomfortable, unhealthy and less of a fun. Recent studies have shown that
55 per cent of people think having sex during that period is “natural” or “awesome” and that 30 per cent of people including men, even want to do it more.
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So what’s the big deal in warning him ahead of time? Most mature men understand and you can both reach an agreement.
To make it very exciting, therapists advised that you get a guide on how to have sex during your monthly period and try the best sex positions for such times.
There are special blankets for such times if you don’t want to make a mess of your bed sheets.
Talking really dirty
Although 80 percent of people admit to talking dirty as one practical way to kick-start an erotic session, going overboard with it can turn some men off.
With what experts call “a bedroom voice,” couples can talk about what works for them while under the sheets.
Rushing off to pee immediately after
For most men, that post-coital period brings a deep momentary glow and they look forward to it after every session of love-making.
This, however, can be hampered by the sound of your urine tinkling in the toilet.
Weird as this may sound, some men get put off by a reminder of the fact that the vaggie area serves other purposes.
So, getting discreet about this by closing the door of the rest room and ensuring that your pee does not make a loud sound is simply the solution.
Needless to say that the habit of going about your peeing as a running tap is even unladylike. Try and spend time in his arms a little bit even if you are pressed. It can be romantic.
Feeling intimidated when watching porn together
Whether believable or unbelievable, most men watch porn on a reasonably regular basis and some women know it.
Some of these women, who are bold try watching it even with them to fire up their love-making. While this remains a very good rating for such women, feeling like a second fiddle while watching it irritates men.
What they fail to prepare for is the fact that most men keep their eyes glued to the screen even with their women by their sides.
Seeing him getting aroused quickly and catching some bad feelings puts the man off which shouldn’t be. If he is aroused, you have achieved just the step one of your goal, rising up to making him get really down with you…I mean practising whatever skill he has learnt will be fulfilling totally the real objective of watching the film together. You don’t need to feel sexually insecure, because he gets super turned on. Exploit the situation to your own advantage.
Noisy moaning
Much as it is good to express your excitement while having this fun of your life, your man will definitely become pissed off if your noise gets too loud and to the hearing of others around.
Really, experts say a bit of moaning and groaning to the hearing of your partner is fantastic because it tells him he is doing a good job but when this turns into screaming and thrashing about like he’s trying to suffocate you with a pillow, not only will he become scared, he tends to imagine how he will face his flatmates who probably may have been forced by your action, to draw negative conclusions about his conduct. He actually may never want to come close to you again, least of all, touch you.
“Do not think a man will like you for getting very loud because it means he’s a stud,” observed a Psychologist, Richard Moyo.
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Try and be real to yourself and your partner by putting an end to those over-exaggerated moans and groans when you’ve only just started kissing. It sure misrepresents you and your intention.
Acting like a dead starfish
No man loves a lover who sleeps like a log of wood, leaving him to do the entire work. It’s a deal for two, therefore, both of you must be practically involved. Doing nothing renders you metaphorically dead to him and I am sure you wouldn’t like him to have such an impression. You should move your muscles and be alive to the tempo.
Lying back and travelling all around the world isn’t just uninspiring, it makes him feel like you are using him. It also suggests that you feel merely allowing him to have sex with you is enough of a turn on for him whereas, it is simply not.
Scratching his back
Forget about what you see in films, most men don’t like you scratching your fingernails down their backs, all in the name of wanting to show your excitement.
“It actually hurts,” says one man. So, if you are not going to be gentle on his back, drop that idea you just watched in the movies, and do something soothing with your hands. Love-making is expected to be fun, not pain.
Loving darkness
Having fun while the light is off may not be a problem to any man if the woman is not acting too self-conscious about her body.
But when a woman feels uncomfortable with a man just because the lights are on, so much that she quickly covers herself up and only gets relaxed when doing it with the lights off, the man gets worried and pissed off. Every man wants you to allow him to look and admire you and be able to describe your body parts just as you should be able to do about his.
When you keep hiding your nakedness from him, he feels insecure with you around him.
Preferring just the missionary position
No doubt most women favour the missionary style most and this is for many reasons. For some, because it gives room for lots of eye contact. For others, it’s a position that hides most parts of their bodies and requires the least effort from them during the act, so, most women enjoy the position.
For most men, however, their Oliver Twist nature, that makes it difficult to be easily satisfied, makes them want more than a variety. For them, it’s not just hard to keep their desire high when it is only one person they’re making love to, for the rest of their lives, it is the worst scenario to be forced to do the same thing, the same way all the time.
In other words, men despise a one-way traffic woman, their adventurous innate self always yearns for explorations and discoveries. Do you blame them? No! You shouldn’t because just as variety is the spice of life, experiences bring the best out of everyone.
Besides, there are other sex styles that are not just fun but very healthy since they are a form of exercise. Make a move to discover them today and you will be shocked at how much you have deprived yourself.
Hurrying him up to orgasm
There is that peak time when a man reaches orgasm and allowing him to have his way makes him feel great with himself.
Begging him to hold on for whatever reason distracts him from the act and will just make him even more paranoid such that he’ll ejaculate more pre-maturely. The resulting anxiety ensures this and he may really not like this.
So, stay away from that business, it is is entirely his own. It is only if he has premature ejaculation issues that you’re permitted to meddle into it. Let him climax, then settle for subsequent rounds when he can last longer. In the alternative, you can work your orgasm up to get your system to the rest it wants.
Trying telling him to orgasm remains a turn-off for him because it can be misinterpreted. Some of them may think you are not enjoying what they are doing, reason you are hurrying them up.
Unappealing dressing while at home
Of course, you may not even need to wear anything at all while in the act but they definitely rate it as unsexy behaviour if the only time you dress up is when you are going out.
“I hate to see my wife come home from work in heels and fitted outfits and looks hot and sexy but changes into some sackcloth the minute she enters the house.
Why? Am I not supposed to be pleasured by her good looks?” confides a man to yours truly.
I’m not saying you should appear in your official suits at home but men as visual creatures love it when you make an effort to look appealing.
And believe me this will not only affect his performance in bed, but will also make your face glued to his face wherever he goes whether you are with him or not. So, girl, make an effort.
Acting after the act like you have done him a huge favour
Love-making is supposed to be mutually decided as it is pleasurable to both parties. So, if after you have agreed to explore it, you make it look like some sacrifice to please him, it disgusts men.
Haven’t you heard of the love song that says…”Woman needs the love just like you do. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that she don’t (forget the grammar, it is a song)….”
Men are no longer fooled by such primitive playing-the-victim attitude of women. They appreciate it more when you prove your boldness and smartness to them after the “show” after all, it takes two to tango.
Seriously, do not act as if your man owes you anything after a session. You are not a whore for crying out loud.