Instances of unplanned pregnancies occur at one time or another in the lifetime of most couples.
While many have attributed failed contraceptives, as a major cause, some others have blamed it on miscalculated safe periods and other carelessness on the part of either of the couples.
Whatever the reasons, while the joy of every married couple is to have the union blessed with children, adding a child to any family when couples are not ready can be very unpleasant.
This is because such couples might have agreed to hold on until a particular time due to unemployment issue of the husband (most times), health challenges, which could have prompted a medical advice, warning them against making babies for a number of years, financial challenge, having had enough or already planned children, age and a host of other reasons anyone can come up with.
When despite any or more of these reasons the woman now suddenly discovered that she had missed her menstrual period for some two months, they are likely to feel like the world is working against them.
Forty-five-year-old Mrs. Josephine Abe had one of such experiences. “I am one of the few ladies, who got married quite early in life. So, by age 35, I had had four children, two boys and two girls. I am a teacher while my husband is a businessman.
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“We both concluded we were done with making babies and so thought everyone around us. I was on contraceptives and had no fear of pregnancy. This went on for about ten years until I was told that I was about four months gone.
“The type of birth control measure I did was the type that minimised the flow of monthly menses. So, I did not know when it had already failed because I was still seeing my period in like two drops in two days; I suspected nothing. I was already 45 and pregnancy was the least on my mind.
“All this while, I was having the symptoms of pregnancy but in my over-assuming self, I simply concluded that there was no reason to worry. When after four months, I started feeling faint and the blood had totally stopped flowing, I went to see my doctor, who confirmed me pregnant after a urine test was conducted,” she said.
Mrs. Abe’s story did not end there because the result of the test just worsened the issue.
“Besides age that was no longer on my side, finance and readiness of mind was also far away from me. Two of our children were already in the universities; the last two were in the secondary school. I was so ashamed of myself,” continued Abe.
Whatever her feeling and those of her families and friends, the deed had been done and she was far-gone beyond her first trimester.
According to her, they contemplated abortion but the fear of death and its spiritual implication discouraged them.
“We decided to leave it because I do not want to die over a child and leave four others,” she said.
That exactly worked for them. She had the baby (a boy), though through a Caeserian Section but stayed alive.
To permanently prevent a future occurrence of the same, Mrs. Abe said: “We told the doctor to remove the womb with the baby at delivery.”
Now, the family is living with an additional child just like other families in the same shoes with them.
In worst cases, however, some homes have been scattered over issues of unwanted pregnancies cum children.
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“My late husband grudgingly lived with me throughout my pregnancy term and tactically abandoned me at the hospital when I was delivered of twins after our four kids. Although he came back after persuasion by both families, it was tough given the fact that the family was going through a serious financial time.
So, what do you do when you look at the little white stick with the plus sign and wonder how could this have happened?
Talk with your doctor
A prenatal appointment early in pregnancy helps to assure that you and your unborn child’s health will be carefully protected. Your doctor can help you understand how to reduce your stress, eat right and prepare for the coming birth. He or she has probably seen couples in your situation before and your age and other factors scaring you cannot be new to him.
Re-focus your thinking
Maybe your career is just getting started or you’ve already got your hands full with other children. Perhaps, your financial situation will be even tighter with the addition of a new member of the family or maybe you and your spouse wanted a little more time with just the two of you.
Whatever the reason, remember that this is your child, conceived in love. It is a part of both of you. No matter how unexpected, a child is always a precious gift. If you are one of those, who are taking their time before venturing into making babies, just redirect your thinking.
Start to think of the good things about having a baby now: You’ll be able to avoid the stresses of “trying” to get pregnant; you won’t have to worry about the “right” time to have children.
If you already have some children, just know that those children you already have will be excited to enjoy a sibling playmate. If you start thinking of positives, soon you’ll have a long list that will help you feel more confident about the new addition to your family.
Talk to a pastor, counselor or health personnel
Having a child is a major life change – especially when you weren’t planning for one. Seeking advice from someone, who can help you see beyond the early feelings of despair, anxiety and sadness and help you move toward the time when you will happily welcome your new little one.
Take your time
One of the good things about pregnancy is that it lasts nine whole months. That’s enough time for most people to make the adjustment towards a positive mindset.
As you watch your body grow, feel the baby moving inside you and see her picture on the ultrasound screen, you’ll begin to love your child even before you can hold her in your arms. Don’t try to rush yourself into the adjustment. No matter how you feel before your baby is born, once you see her sweet little face and tiny little fingers and toes, your heart will melt.
Whatever the circumstance(s), having a positive attitude towards an unwanted pregnancy is the best way to solve the problem. Making a rash decision over an issue like this can worsen the situation.