Edirin is about four years old but he looks bigger than his age. He is of a quiet disposition.
His mother, Affiah, is my childhood friend.
I visited them on a cold Friday morning after a heavy downpour. Her husband had travelled out of town and she was heavy with her second child and I was to take her to the bank.
We had also scheduled to visit her doctor after her bank transaction.
“Of course, I know that you were the one’,” she gushed with delight, as she welcomed me into her apartment.
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“Mummy, mummy, I will go with you,” I could hear Edirin’s tiny voice from afar. “You promised to take me.”
“Of course, I know that you will go with me. But remember that you haven’t done your homework? And I told you that if you didn’t do it, you wouldn’t go anywhere,” she told Edirin.
“I will do it, mummy. But there are some that I don’t know.”
“Yes, when Uncle Ken comes back, he will put you through. Is that clear?”
“Yes, but mummy; you are talking like my Auntie Zara?” Auntie Zara is her class teacher.
“How does Auntie Zara talk?” I interrupted.
“She used to say, is that clear, when she is teaching us.”
“Edy,” I said, “You won’t kill me ooo.”
“Ehhnn naaa, every time, she would say, do you understand, is that clear? But mummy, are you a teacher?” the little boy asked his mother.
“Yes, so you didn’t know that I have taught before? And I can still teach. Is it because I am busy writing stories everyday?” His mother stated frankly.
“Mummy, teach me naaa,” he pleaded, holding unto his mother’s dress. “So, you are Auntie Zara?”
“Don’t worry me, darl. I will do it with you when I come back. See, I am running late, please,” she said. But he continued.
Naturally, my friend has zero tolerance for such attitude coupled with fact that we were getting late for the doctor’s appointment. “I will flog you ooo,” she shouted at him.
Immediately, he loosened his grip of her, looked up at her and said, “Mummy, it is not flog. Say that you will spank me,” he repeated it again, as if it was an instruction. “Mummy, my auntie said that you don’t say flog; you spank. She would say, Edy, I will spank you now.”
I was shocked at my little lad. He was serious. When I finally found my voice, I said, “Young man, in my days, we used to say, I will flog you.”
Then, his mother continued, “Eddy, let us go. Even if I am not your auntie, I can still flog you.” With that she shut the door and we left.
The smart boy had jumped into the car. As we drove to the bank, there was no signpost that escaped his view. His attempt at spelling every word marveled me.
He was busy fiddling with some things. When he seemed so quiet, the mother cautioned him not to fiddle with the newspapers and other items there.
He was busy fiddling with some things at the back of the car and was quiet for a while. Having noticed her son had become unusually quiet; Affia told me that whenever he switched into the quiet mood, it was evident that he was doing something you wouldn’t like. So, she cautioned him not to fiddle with the newspapers and other items.
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“I know that when you are so quiet and pretending to be gentle, you must be up to some mischief. Please, don’t scatter my books.” There was no word from him.
Later, we heard him grumbling and muttering some inaudible words.
“Eddy,” the mother called, “what’s the problem?”
“Mummy, you are not driving fast ooo. See, everybody is passing us. All the motors on this road are just passing us. Mummy, drive fast naa.”
“Oh, so, I am not fast? Where do you think we are going to, anyway? I am doing well, dear. Everyone is going their own way.”
“I don’t know,” he said firmly. “But mummy, naaa, let us drive fast so that we can pass them. We will just drive like my daddy. See ooo”, he was pointing towards a car on the other side of the road. “Mummy, see this tininrin motor. It is small,” he observed, placing emphasis on the word, small.
“How does your daddy drive?” My friend inquired
“You don’t know that my daddy drives fast? He will pass all the motors on this road, “ he said, demonstrating with his hands, ‘my daddy will just do like this vraaaaa, vraaaa and will pass one million motors on this road.”
“Eeehn, this your daddy is a super star ooo,’ I said
“No, auntie, he is not superstar. He is super man,” he corrected
“Eddy, Mr. talkative,” the mother said, as she pulled up in front of the bank. In excitement, the boy said, “this is daddy’s bank naa. I saw this,” pointing to the bank’s logo, “in my daddy’s bag.” He was still insisting that, that was his father’s bank
Almost in anger, as we got into the banking hall, “It’s okay ooo. We have heard you. This is a bank. You don’t make a noise. Do you hear me? So, keep quiet and stay here while I sort things out.”
Not only was this instruction disobeyed, it looked like it further fueled Edirin’s energy, as he was everywhere in the hall
“Edirin is a handful,” noted my friend. She cleverly devised a means to pin him down. They were engaged in a long discussion while I carried out my transaction
“So, Eddy, now we are in the bank, do you have money here?”
“Yes, naaa,” he smiled
“How much do you have in this bank?” she asked.
“I have N10.”
“Ahhh, only N10?” I exclaimed.
Sensing that maybe, he had fallen short of expectation or it wasn’t good enough, he quickly corrected himself saying, “No, auntie, I have N100.”
Looking at my friend’s face, he added: “No, no, I have all the money in the bank. And I have all the money in this world.” I could see a sense of triumph, shining brightly in his blue eyes, as we walked out of the bank.
That’s children for you. Everything is possible in their small world. Yes, Edirin had boasted that he has all the money in the bank.